Today seems like a good day to force myself to write something to cheer me up. Off the topics that I want to write about, my parents trip this year, is definitely there at the top. But unfortunately, writing about that is going to make me sad. Because in the two and half months they were here, I didn’t have the day that I had today. The day where I question my life choices, my state of life and how life is moving with me constantly feeling lonely, not able to follow my choice of staying home for kids and the depression that results from all of this. If my parents did see me down, even for a bit, they would just come, talk and help me snap out of it.
I am watching this show now, Young & Hungry on Netflix, it’s a funny show. I see how this gal always has a best friend and ton of people to help her out, each time she gets into trouble. I know its made-up but we all need people like that in this world. How are we supposed to survive alone? It’s too hard.
Anyway, writing anymore about my parents trip today, will only drag my depression day into depression night. So I will have to go with the thing that bought me plenty of happiness and satisfaction over the last few months. Swimming. I am smiling already as I type now. 🙂
Learning to swim has been a longggggg dream of mine. I am very scared of water. Plus, not able to do things by myself is a biggest problem of mine. So, I never got around to enrolling myself for lessons. Finally I found someone who could go with me, and started taking couple of lessons. Given my fear of water (yes, even in 4 feet deep pool 🙂 ), and the way I am learning things, I struggled so much in my initial lessons and practice. I have to say, nothing comes to me easy. I have to work hard to get anything in my life. So I knew that despite my performance and fear in the initial lessons, I needed to keep going and keep practicing. And so, with or without company, I made it to the pool at least 2-3 times a week.
Over summer, I finally started to go to the pool by myself, again 2-3 times a week and I have come to SO LOVE it. Its my go-to thing now. If I could go every day, I would. I don’t know what it is. There is something amazing with water therapy. Many of the times, I go to the pool sleepy or tired, and I come out fresh and awake. The water is so good for mood therapy. 🙂
When it comes to practice, like I said, I struggled so much. To learn to be able to let go of fears and my brain working against floating or kicking, it took work for me. I amused a lot of people watching me swim in the pool – the way I would sink and come up, and keep going. 🙂 But the important thing you see is : I persisted. 🙂
Once I was able to comfortably float, I learnt to backstroke. And it is my go to style now. If I am tired with other things, I go to backstroke. Free style was the one that stressed me out mostly. For days, I would go there, and my mind wouldn’t let me go more than an arm rotation. I would panic so much and not even try. I even avoided going to the pool. This is where having company helped me. It was good to have some push from my friend and finally one day, I did a full lap without stopping and my joy knew no bounds. 😀
Having learnt few more techniques, most of my lap runs are half free style and half backstroke. I do squeeze in easy swims once in a while. I call this, Old Indian movie princess swim technique. You probably have seen one in movie and know what I am talking about. 🙂
I have to mention the amazing and surprising gain with swimming… hoping it wouldn’t get jinxed – Trimming fat around my hip and legs. Swimming takes work, no doubt. But I didn’t really imagine me getting some nice toning around my stomach. Since I gave birth, I havent felt some of these muscles that I could feel again now. Thank you Swimming. 🙂 This again, has been a huge motivator to keep me in the pool. 🙂
What I have established as a routine for me now, is to swim 20-30 laps each time. I am able to do this in 30 mins. I am really proud I can do this. But guess what I saw last weekend at the pool fitness exercise: Someone’s routine included warm-up, which is what I do * 5 times. And three sets of this. And this was only the warm-up. After this, there was a set which had crazy numbers and then a main Set with more crazier numbers. I couldn’t believe someone could do that. May be they are training for Iron Man. It is crazy. It is definitely motivating to see these folks or even others who have much better stamina than I do.
But I do fine by myself too, I should take credit for even getting here. Earlier months in the pool, I used to look at few people in the pool and silently wish I could swim like that. Guess what, I have folks stopping me once in a while to tell me I am swimming good and they wish they were swimming like me. I act humble and all, but that’s always nice to hear. LOL. I worked so hard to get here.
What else is wonderful with swimming… Thanks to the continued pool routine, my stamina is much better. This year, when I went hiking, I could go longer stretches without stopping. I also stepped into actual swimming clothes. I love that I am able to fit into one size small of these now. (Please don’t get jinxed, please don’t get jinxed 😉 ). Oh also, guys I meet at the pool, who have conversations with me – its fun to do that too. LOL, again. I recently bought a waterproof headphone set as well, and that’s helping too. Now, if we are travelling somewhere I find a hotel with pool, so kids and I can have extra fun.
While I can swim comfortably in a pool, I am still scared of deep waters. The only reason I can swim now is because I know I can stand whenever I want. Recently we were at a swim lake, and while I could try swim around and had my dad encouraging me, I chickened out and didn’t swim. Maybe I need someone to swim with me, so I have some help and am comfortable. Hmm, when will that happen!
Anyway, my win this year is learning to swim. It was my new year resolution for many years and I finally checked it off this year. I am super proud that I worked super hard to get to where I am right now. Touch wood, hopefully water continues to fix my mood like it does now and so I can stay sane. I am kind of wishing I was there right now. I am already dreaming of next time I am in Hawaii, I can be in the water feeling better. I will still wear my life jacket though. 😀
I don’t have any pictures of me in the pool, I only have an old video when I was learning free style, but I will post this instead here. I saw this at the store and I SO wish I can go swim here. 🙂
So there you go, that’s all about my little victory.