Here Again…

Did I write in my post earlier that start of September triggers some kind of bad craziness for us? A feeling something is going to go wrong. I did. I also said, just thinking about it doesn’t mean I can stop it. Well, I certainly hoped that I might be able to stop whatever was going to happen. But it’s too late. My worries were right. Something did happen. Just as awful as last time.

What is going on here? Why must we be hit with these life changing issues every once in a while? Needless to mention I have been feeling so terrible since this started. That too familiar feeling in the stomach, tension I can feel in my heart, that fear. All too familiar that I still remember from last year. And from everything before. When something happens for the first time, you feel bad, determine to stay strong and get through it. When it happens again and again, what do you do? I myself, despite not weeping openly, would like to hide in my closet and cry. I am very sure it wont help anything, but that’s what I feel like. I am not exaggerating.

Add to this, we heard back from Kids school last week that their current school is indefinitely closed. Just like that. Few more confusions later, we decided to switch schools. All of this was decided in half a day. New school is not close to us. Abhi and Achu will have to endure travel through traffic jams twice a day, will have to wake up early, stay in school more.

And then there is my new job tension. I wonder what happened to all my energy and excitement of a new opportunity. What has happened to it? I remember being excited about it, trying to do my 100% more than it, staying ahead of everything. What had happened to me? Now everything just seems like a burden and I can’t seem to get myself out of it. Between the new tragedy in our lives and my work tensions, I actually welcomed kids school change issue as a good distraction. Until I realized it was not. Kids are going to suffer and so do we. It might get better and settle down soon, but until then, more worries, it is.

What is going on here, really? I will ask why a zillion times, but we wouldn’t know right? Just tell me what do I need to do to keep these unexpected incidents from keep happening in my life. And get us out of this one. I had enough already. That’s what I wish for.

 

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