Three Weeks

Today is Monday for us here. Working day. I should be at work. Only I am not. Instead, today so far, I raked leaves, cleaned up bathroom, vacuumed, did laundry and got rid of our baby crib. From the time I dropped off kids at school today, I have been trying to keep myself busy. And so I have to – for the next 3 weeks, at the least. I am off work now. Not a planned vacation, not sick leave. But totally unplanned, a bomb dropped on my head kind of off-work for the next three weeks.

How this happened is not a reason I want to get into at the moment, but I can only say that because of some reason, I have to stop working. Until the issue is resolved. Initially when the lawyer called and I was told that I have to stop working until the issue is resolved, I freaked out. Because I had no idea this trouble was brewing in my life. And that too for over a year. I thought getting told that I cannot work for these three weeks was the worse situation until I realized, the real worse situation is what happens after these weeks. My fate literally depends on how things go in the next few weeks. If the decision is not favourable to me, Oh God! Thats the worse thing. When I say our life turns up side down, if the decision is not in my favour, I am not exaggerating. Not all. Our lives, everything changes. And I don’t even know yet or how or for how long. I have to be away from my kids, my house, my everything. All of life, just uprooted. And I am not exaggerating. compared to that, taking three weeks off seems like a dream, even if I have the worst case scenario thoughts, always running in my head.

Which is why I am trying to keep myself occupied. I made a list of things to do. Trying to keep myself busy without any gaps. Night times are the difficult so far. Because there is nothing to do and my mind automatically wanders off to what happens in the next month. Will we get lucky and find a way out of this deep shit? Or like past has been, do we have to sink deeper into it? We have been kind of in scary messy before as well, but you know, this time, it is so different. I have kids to care for now. A house. mortgage. School cost. How will we ever survive this when things go south?

I can’t stop worrying about the decision being negative. My kids, my home, all my dreams. I am not ready to give them up yet. You know, for the last few weeks, I have been dreaming about how I was going to decorate our front porch with the fall decor. I look around my house and I see all the upgrades, decorations I wanted to do. Will I ever get to do that? And how long do I have to be away from the kids? What havoc it is going to be to their lives, whatever choice we are left with.

My manager told me to consider this as a mini-vacation and enjoy it. My colleague says I will see you after three weeks, that’s it. V assures me its going to go well too. Murali as worried as I am, tells me to keep myself occupied. And that is all there is to do. My list of things to do and keep checking things off my list.

Keep a positive outlook and hope that this was just a lesson to be learnt. I wait, for that email or phone call; Dream that someone in the next two to three weeks will call me and give me the good news and I can go back to my life like it was normal. Yeah, I know there is that looming threat too, except for trying to shut those thoughts off, I cannot help my situation.

So, please do pray for me. I really really really could use some positive thoughts now. I don’t think I can survive a bad news now.


Silly Jokes

I don’t think I can begin to document what Abhi and Achu talks are like these days. That would be so impossible given the kind of things they say. I really wish I had some sort of recorders around them recording every word of theirs, every laugh, every sound. All those things that are so funny and amusing to us. And those silly jokes and silliest stories, every day…. 🙂

One weekend, Murali and I came home when it was Abhi and Achu’s bed time. We promised to bring them Blueberry Muffins from the grocery store and I made up a silly story about that. It was about me going into the store and asking the store manager, “Store Manager. We need blueberry muffins for breakfast tomorrow”. Store manager goes inside and instead of muffins, he gets us, say a ‘dungenous crab’. I tell him, “Silly guy. We cannot eat crab. We need muffins”. ANd the guy says, “Oops. My mistake” and he goes back to get the muffins and he instead gets us a lamp. Story continues that way. 🙂 It was the silliest story, but Abhi and Achu laughed so much. Its been almost a month we started to tell that story and it’s still a hit. Nice thing is that we can do any variations of what the store manager brings back and it makes the kids laugh so much. And of course, looking at those laughs, we laugh too.

Another one of our silly stories is called ‘funny words’. Simple enough, and again, super popular with kids. I think it started when we trying out the rhyming words with kids. Seeing them laugh at some words, we made up silly rhyming words for every word and kids enjoy that so much. Just say to them “Rainbow, dainbow” or “tiger, piger”, they are laughing already. Whats more, even kids can tell ‘funny words’ now. They call it jokes. “Amma, I am going to tell you a funny joke now. Okay. Here it goes. Diplodocus, Slicodocus”. “Okay another one. Octopus, Goctopus”. They laugh so much at their own funny words and silly jokes. Of course, so do we. 🙂

The most recent one is called “Funny human being words”. Don’t ask me why it’s called so. Abhi named it that way. One day kids walked into the kitchen saying to me, “Nanna, what are you doing?”. Joke is that they refer to me as nanna, as if it was a real mistake. And then laugh and say, “Oh! You are not nanna.”. Like the rest of our silly jokes, this one can be done with so many variations and so we do. “Dinosaur, finish your smoothie. Oh! You are not dinosaur”; “Fridge, wear your pants. Oh! You are not fridge”. Funny. Funny. 🙂 This one has been going for over a week now and it doesn’t look like we are going to see the end of it anytime soon.

Abhi and Achu have somewhat grasped the concept of “store”. They think store is place where we can go get anything. Like, when we are out of honey, Achu says, “I know. Lets go the honey store and get some honey”. That’s right, but the problem comes when we are the grocery store and kids want to buy something. I tell them if they have their own money they can buy it, because whatever they wanted to buy is not on my list. And Achu says, “Okay. Lets go to money store and get some money”. I laughed so much. I told them that “money store” is called a bank and we need to save first to get some money But I really wish there was a money store where we could just go get money. 🙂

Best Dreams

BFF: You know that friends of ours, they are on a tour to Thailand. Left the kids with their parents and are taking a trip.

Me (Knowing her answer already): So, when the little one gets a little older, why don’t you and H leave the kids with your parents and take a trip? You know you both need the break too.

BFF (as expected): No way. I can never trust anybody else with my kids. Never. It’s either H and Me. That’s all.

As expected, because the same was the case with me. I could never think of leaving my kids to some nanny and make an international trip. I mean, I have tried and I never got any close to the deciding part. But if I did, I know I could never trust anybody that well to feel better and be guilty-free. Maybe with a nanny who used to work for us, but not guilty-free, not happy.

And that is exactly when and how a greatest idea was born.

Me: Alright. How about you and I, plan and take a trip? H will take care of kids over there. Murali will take care of kids over here. We don’t have to worry about who is taking care of kids and we both know we need that break.

And for the next one hour, BFF and I went on over to live on cloud nine, thinking how fantastic that idea was. How awesome it would be. She could visit USA or we could meet somewhere in between and take a week-long trip. Singapore and Malaysia are ruled out because they are not foreign enough for me now. London is exciting to me but boring to her. Costa Rica and Hawaii sound awesome, even though one of us geographically challenged to know where they are. You know who it is now. Lol. There is Switzerland too (apparently with free accommodation 🙂 ), and we don’t care if people think we are a lesbian couple 🙂 . The thought of making a trip on the Euro Rail is amazing. And apparently there is that DDLJ poster somewhere over there and a photo needs to be taken over that spot. We discussed about what dresses we are going to wear. Anything below the knee is ruled out. So there was discussion about Epilators vs. Razors; You know, all important stuff. 🙂

The destination decision is on me. Possibilities are endless. Budget, you know, not so much. 🙂 And so needs very careful planning. In any way, this trip is at least 6 months away. Spring of next year for us. But the thought of touring with my BFF, meeting her after almost 10 years. Wow. Knowing that she needs this trip as much as I do. And then, even though it has literally been only five hours we thought of this trip, I already dream of doing this annually. And then one year, when girls are old enough, they will join us. Little A first. Later, Achu. And then little M. Just gals trip. One trip. Doesn’t that sound fantastic? 🙂

How I wish this dream or plan came true? It’s not like this was the first time this sort of greatest idea hit me. This decision was once made to go on a Europe trip, just Murali and me. Leaving kids with my parents in Hyderabad (during my India trip 2 years ago). I was so excited and looking forward to it, because I needed that break and something nice in life that time. It didn’t happen. And then we had the best nanny we could afford, who was all willing to care of kids while we took a trip like this. Didn’t happen. Then there is the parents visiting along with nanny being around, when we could have taken a trip. Nothing. The thing is nothing works out with this guy. There is work or something always. You cannot get any thing done when you don’t put your heart into it. And to be the one always asking gets old, especially for the person asking. Not to mention I am the only one trying to initiate and make everything happen. Besides, no offence, I would love more, the company of my best friend ever, after 10 years, on a trip I need, more than anything. You know, unless someone hires the best nanny for the whole trip and let all the kids come with us. That is the only thing that can beat a trip with BFF. 🙂

Anyway, I don’t know if this is one of those things I plan and never happens. At least I am trying with a different person. So the thought of it happening is very exciting. Like I said, next year is THE time. Somewhere awesome, somewhere budget friendly. May be just a resort and by the beach? Maybe more scenic and travelling. If that trip ever happens, I know beautiful memories will be made. Most fun will be had. There will short dresses, Margaritas, tons of pictures and millions of smiles.

I really pray our dream comes true. I really really really do. 🙂

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