We took a huge step for our future this week. A really big one. This is the moment when it happened, I always thought I would be jumping around with joy, celebrating with happy smiles. Instead of feeling that way, I find myself more scared than ever. I am like ten percent excited and a zillion percent scared. And this is not the like the scare I had before. When I was travelling to the US on a job assignment for the first time, all on my own, I was so scared. But, that time, I knew doing that, no matter how scared I was, was good. It was the good opportunity. I had reasons to be scared. New place, leaving family, even if I had friends around was scary. But soon it was okay. We had the best times. This dilemma is not like that. I am not sure if this is good and if we should just do it. It feels right, but it doesn’t too. Do we need to wait more? Is this the right time? Is this the right one? So many questions. So many concerns and no easy answer. A, whose words I can blindly believe, tells me what I need to hear. I spoke to him for half an hour and he told me all my concerns on my mind before I even told him that. He has been through something similar. So, his answer or suggestion to our problem is not what I like. I want to go with what he said, but I also worry about what I will lose. I want this to go through. I want to have this. But I worry if this is the right thing or right time to have it. So much is at stake now. I haven’t realized all that before. And knowing that good luck has never been on our side, scares me even more. I don’t know. I don’t know what to do. Its been a dream for such a long time and it keeps eluding me. This was supposed to be easy, but it isn’t. May be, I am complicating this. I don’t know. I feel so lost and unfocussed.


12 thoughts on “Dilemma

  1. Maybe I can guess what it is. But whatever it is Dil, sometimes we do feel like that.. I would say cling on to the 10% excitement and just hope and pray all goes well.. You don’t have to feel super excited but atleast less stress will be good.

  2. well thats human nature.. we always are excited to do things but when they come nearer we do tend to be a bit afraid .. but as long as we work hard and give it our 100% things will work out fine .. SO chillax.. and GO GET IT … my best wishes always

    and in all this hard work take out some time for yourself too.. that is improtant tooo:)
    take care

  3. I can’t even guess what you are worried about, but whatever it is – Godspeed! Wish you the best of luck and lots of courage to go through whatever it is that you are going through! 🙂

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