Hear Me Out

You know, I once had a friend who would give elaborate details to all the questions. Once, I casually asked her, how did her India trip go (some 30 days long) and she gave me all the details about each day of the trip. (Including things like the money it took for auto from her place to somewhere. πŸ™‚ ) My colleague at lunch and P also talk the similar way. When we are driving home from work every evening, P tells me everything about her work day, like how many tests she executed, how many passed, how many machines failed, what tools crashed etc etc etc. (Me knowing her line of work only makes it more detailed ). Add to that the office politics details that I hate – who said what utterly childishly and the never ending personal issues. Even though I wish for some quite time after spending my day at work, I listen to her. I respond to her normally. I think I get it. People want to be heard. Our every day details are so trivial for others, and, yet, they are important for us. Even though I have my colleague and P, I could talk to the same way and tell them everything that’s on my mind, I don’t. But, I wish someone would at least genuinely ask what happened and then listen.

Yesterday night, was one night, I found it not easy. It took me back to some old times, I didn’t like. I think I want someone to know about it all. And since there is no one else who would ask me or I could tell it all to, where else would I go except for my blog? So, in next couple of lines, my blog will ask me for all the details and I am going to give a really detailed, long answer and let it all out. ( And in case you are here and decide to continue to read, thanks to you for doing so. )

“So Dil, How was yesterday night?”

“Not very good, blog. You know, Abhi fell sick the day before with cold and fever. Courtesy me. I took kids out for a walk in the afternoon. Since weather was better than last week and that would be good for them. I am still feeling very guilty about taking them out and causing all this. Nanny keeps telling me that I cant keep them locked inside the house for ever and we have to keep doing these little outings. I am still not sure about that. All day yesterday, Abhi was okay-ish. But, by evening, he got very cranky. He didn’t eat much. Whatever little he ate, he threw up already. Since he didn’t eat well, he had less energy. I think he wanted to continue doing his daily things, but he had no energy to do so. He was moaning and I could see him literally dragging his feet everywhere. I asked him to lay down in my lap for a while, but he didn’t want to. He still refused to eat anything. He just was more cranky than ever. Achu, on the other hand, started acting more possessive and jealous than ever, even, pushing Abhi away from my lap. The whole crying/cribbing session went on for over an hour and I finally started playing some songs they like on laptop and fed Abhi a little food. Abhi continued to be very cranky and tired. His eyes were all watery from the fever and cold.Β  So, I decided to put him to bed early than usual. P was out for dinner with some friends, so I took Abhi and Achu, both to Achu’s bedroom hoping that I could rock Abhi to sleep and Achu could sleep in her crib. Abhi slept after some 10-15 minutes, crying of course. He still wasn’t able to breathe. The fever medicine didn’t seem to be working at all. After he slept, I was hoping Achu would fall asleep like her usual. But, tonight, she decided to go back to her old tantrum self. She refused her milk, started crying unstoppably, kicking her legs, upset at me etc. etc. I know her routine changed. I bought Abhi to bed with us, where as it should just be her and me. She threw up in the afternoon, so her bed setting was different, her blanket was different. I patted her, sang to her, just waited by her side and nothing worked. After Abhi looked sound asleep, I left the room to put him in his crib. P came home that time and said she was sick from fever and I couldn’t ask for anything. By the time, I returned to Achu’s room, Achu vomited her dinner out. I cleaned up all of it and changed her blanket again and she didn’t like it one bit. She went on crying and crying. I sat next to her and somehow she slept around 11, crying, like old times. I was then, leaving the room to check on Abhi’s temperature, she woke up again…more crying, more consoling…more time.

Finally, I got out, checked on Abhi. He seemed to do fine. I had to do my usual kitchen cleaning and preparing for next day things. (Now-a-days I am not sure why I clean my kitchen that neatly everyday. Its going to get messy the next morning anyway.) By the time I was done in the kitchen, Abhi woke up. Unable to breathe. He again took like forever to go back to sleep. Poor thing, he was trying to breathe through his nose and when he couldn’t, it was upsetting him. I sang to him, I rocked him, walked around the room holding him. He finally slept after an hour. And you know what happened next, blog? You guessed it right. It was Achu’s turn. Same cranky Achu. Same story. This time, draining out more energy from me. I finally, laid down on my bed and my leg pain kicked in (no surprise there). Right when I was about to sleep, haha, it was Achu’s turn again. I think, I could just copy paste lines now. 😦 I tried to sleep again. It was 3 already. This time, P woke me up, saying , Abhi might have fever. I went to that room, he did have fever and while I was giving him medicine, he woke up. But, minutes later, coughed all the medicine out. 😦 I brought him into the living room, hoping to divert his attention and gave him a tour of our living room at 3 in the morning. πŸ™‚ He was awake completely and it took him another hour and half to go to sleep. He absolutely didn’t want to sleep on his own and I had to hold him and walk in the room for all one hour for him to sleep. Drained me out completely. I finally gave up and made some milk for him. Sometimes, he likes to chew on the bottle nipple. And I crashed next to him. He was awake for few more minutes because I could feel his little fingers poking my face πŸ™‚ and then we slept until 7. He woke up crying, I put him to bed again for another hour.

When Achu saw me in the morning, she didn’t want me to leave her. Abhi was looking normal, even though he had fever. Achu started to feel warm and had running nose, now. 😦 I, then, had to walk to the pharmacy because we were running out of fever medicine. After I came back, we fed the kids and put them to bed, made some lunch for them and then I slept for sometime. I wanted toΒ eat something before I sleep and there was nothing. So I ate a chocolate and slept. Not many times, I continue to sleep after Abhi and Achu are awake, when I don’t hear what they are doing. This morning, I didn’t hear anything. I really needed that sleep. Of course, I took the day off work. And did I mention I didn’t realize I didn’t have dinner last night until I felt like vomiting on empty stomach at about 4 in the morning? 😦

All this and I still feel this is normal for me. I had days worse than this. But, I don’t know, for some reason I just wanted to write it all out this time because its been a while I had one such night. Things are not yet better now. Achu is full on falling sick now. Running nose, highly cranky and all. She is absolutely protesting me holding Abhi and Abhi has started to notice that and cry again. I am not good at asking for help when I am upset. I don’t know how it will be for the rest of time. Just, hope they recover immediately.”

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2 thoughts on “Hear Me Out

  1. Ahh sometimes we need someone to listen to us. I ramble everyday to hubby and then to mom. I get everything out and then feel lighter. sometimes you just want someone to listen to you, even if they dont respond or give you solutions.
    Hope Abhi and Achu are doing fine now.

    1. That’s we all need sometimes Ash. I also felt better after writing this down. Now it seems all blah-blah to me, but that moment, I needed to do that. πŸ™‚ Abhi and Achu are better now, Thanks. πŸ™‚

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