You know, I am really that sort of person who wants to anticipate and plan for the future, but, in reality does nothing. 🙂 I know I have to do something, but I don’t. (And the very few times I do succeed in planning properly, it all fails utterly, but that’s a different story). Becoming a mother was one such thing too. I knew life was going to change, but, had no clue how. It was just something we all do, that we don’t really see what it means for the future. At least, I was like that. I am not complaining at all, but I was quite surprised at how it all changed. But, in no time, it all came naturally. It certainly didnt happen the day Abhi and Achu were born, but, over the last 15 months. Like I said, I didn’t even know when. Before I knew it I was doing things I have never done in life. Some responsible, some funny, some crazy…
* Being a mom means that during lunch, I can have conversation about constipation in babies with another mom colleague. No feelings at all. We discuss it all just like we were meant to talk on that subject. Did I mention this was during lunch? 🙂
* Being a mom means that I would gladly take some object out of Abhi’s mouth (which he probably picked from the floor) and bite it to see what it actually is. (In my defense, I fed him something with cinnamon stick an hour before and I wanted to make sure somehow it didn’t end up in his. And to kill myself over how I fail sometimes if it was cinnamon stick. Oh btw, It turned out to be a small wooden piece Abhi broke from the wooden basket).
* Being a mom means that no matter how much I prepare myself or want some me-time, I always feel the guilt of not being with Abhi and Achu. I am at a movie which I have been looking forward to, I feel guilty. I am eating lunch with some friend, I feel guilty. I am staying late working, I feel it.
* Being a mom means that when I go to any restaurant with kids, I finish eating as fast as I could and continue panicking that all hell is going to break loose any second. That they are going to start throwing some tantrum or cry uncontrollably or get sick touching things around. There are endless reasons to panic, really. 😦
* Being a mom means that there is my favourite song playing on TV finally, but, because I am feeding Abhi and Achu (who happen to be also interested in the same song..yayy to that), I focus on making them swallow the food. And by the time task is complete, Mr. SPB is also done singing my favorite song before I even hear the song for a second.
* Being a mom means that I get all chores done in the morning, get ready for work and look at Abhi’s face one time before he goes for his nap and wonder, ‘God!!! Do I really have to leave that face and go to work?’
* Being a mom means that I hate hate hate falling sick. Falling sick is such a terrible thing to happen to a mom. The last weekend I was sick, I had no energy to even pickup toys and put them back in the toy basket. There was a time when falling sick meant, staying in bed and getting rest. But now, I hope no mother ever falls sick.
* Being a mom means that if I could wish for a wish to come true, I would ask for infinite energy. So that, I could do it all. So that, I can be there with them all the time, then work, then cook, everything.
* Being a mom means that, for the first time in my life, I am thinking of doing something to fix my cooking. First time I am thinking about how edible food will be. Whether its more salt or less. Whether it’s a good combination of vegetables for taste or not. It’s not easy, really.
* Being a mom means that I am so occupied in thoughts about taking care of Abhi and Achu that I pick up jam bottle, spoon from the kitchen countertop and put the spoon in the fridge and jam bottle in the sink. (I did take away the jam bottle later, you know, no one should disrespect jam like that 🙂 And its jam really, how can I throw that away)
* Being a mom means that I am now, officially, scared of watching zombie movies. Sucks, doesn’t it? I mean, earlier, I was like, ‘Oooh..Look at that…zombie coming in…’ excited and all, but now, my first thoughts run like, ‘God! How am I supposed to take care of Abhi and Achu when zombies attack!!’. So, in short, no more zombie movies. 😦 (It’s really a tough situation, guys. I am really looking for solutions on what to do.)