July is here and it doesn’t look good. (yeah. I known its only been 2 days). I fell sick on Day 1. I got dehydrated, no solids and was feeling very tired. And today, P is leaving for Seattle. Believe me, I have been trying to stay upbeat about July and the next few months, from a long time. I try to see the happy little things I will be doing when I am back. I imagine everything will go super smooth. Even when I fell sick, I took it as a good sign that I can finally get some rest while someone else attended to Abhi and Achu. With P leaving, I am glad, she is at least coming to Seattle. But some weak moment, the reality strikes and I realize what next few months could be like. I will have to be everything I do now, plus go back to working full-time, handle house chores and not to mention, have in-laws around (Honestly, If they don’t turn out to be what I am thinking they will be, I will be first to apologize). Add to all this, Abhi and Achu’s constant changes. Abhi hasn’t been sleeping well for the last 2 weeks. Everyday, I rock him to sleep, just like I do with Achu. He wakes up 2 or 3 times too, waking Achu up. I was hoping it was just a phase, but its turning out to be a new change in him. I was hoping by the end of my vacation time here, Achu will get close to sleeping like Abhi does, but whats happening is the other way round. he is refusing to eat. Crying a lot because he wants to be held all the time. I don’t know how in the next few months, Abhi and Achu will start shaping up without having me around. We haven’t found a nanny yet and I am in, no way, favor of leaving kids alone with super pampering grandparents who wont set any limits. I am worried about how I will transition back to work after all these, how I will be able to focus, knowing that I am not there taking care of Abhi and Achu. I am worried about the night time wakings. I am worried about they skipping their feedings. I am worried about them falling sick and how I will be able to handle it. Murali will be gone for another 3 months, and 3 months is an super optimistic deadline for his project. I am worried about the whole transition. The whole transition after we came to Hyderabad really messed me up, so I can not stop worrying about every tiny thing. I made a list of little things I am looking forward to, just trying to make myself feel better. But I didn’t feel like finishing it. Maybe I should and tell myself again that it will all go smooth.