Words help so much. Especially when those words come from someone dear to me. In the last few weeks, I could feel some real help when Murali said few things to me over the phone.I just want to write down those instances here because they made me feel better and may be some time in future if I don’t feel well, I can come back and read it.
During last month when Achu was throwing some horrible sleep tantrums (She does less now because I am giving her what she wants and stopped trying anything else), I was silently crying almost every night watching Achu cry inconsolably each time she woke up. I had sleepless nights in a row. Each time Achu woke up, she woke Abhi up. And that woke Achu up again. I considered myself lucky a night if I woke up only 6 or 7 times putting Abhi/Achu back to sleep. Add to that I woke up early every morning and did baby chores back to back. I slept when they slept during the day and that’s all the sleep I had during those days. One of those nights, over phone, Murali asked me for something. I told him I will do that later as I feel so lethargic after finally putting Achu to sleep and I started crying instantly. Then I tried telling Murali how difficult it was getting and how I wish I had some help,rest or sleep. (I don’t know if I don’t do a good job conveying people what I feel because our conversations always go in the wrong direction.) But that time, Murali so compassionately responded to me. One thing he said was “Its only you and me who has to care for Abhi and Achu” and that I shouldn’t expect anything from others. After I cried out enough and heard him talk to me, I was feeling so much better. After the call was done, I went to bedroom. Achu was just waking up, crying, of course. That woke Abhi up as well. I took Achu to Abhi’s bed, patted Abhi, rocked Achu to sleep and then later slept, still feeling fine.
“I will never send kids and you away again”. I don’t even know if he remembers he said it. It was doing one of those quick conversations. When he said it, I wasn’t listening straight either; I realized it only later. I don’t know if I feel better when I think about it, but somehow it got stuck in my mind.
July is, without a doubt, going to be the one of the busiest months of all time. Our trip is sort of planned, Murali will be on vacation for just 2 weeks and in that 2 weeks, we have to get the Ayush Homam, Tirupathi trip, Birthday party, Journey back to Seattle and setting up home done. 2 weeks! Can you imagine? 😦 Needless to say, I am super worried about it all. I am keeping very low expectations about everything and just hope Abhi and Achu will stay safe and healthy during the whole thing. Of all the tasks, one thing that worries me is the trip to Tirumala from Tirupathi by foot. Not that its physically strenuous. Both Murali and I have done these trips 2 or 3 times with friends and it was so much fun. But the thought of doing it babies is what was worrying me. Yesterday, over phone, this topic came up and he was comparing this trip to our old hiking trips before babies. He said we should carry a little pouch for food to feed the deer (I could already imagine Abhi getting all excited at feeding the deer :)). He also said he was very excited to do this. And then it slowly occurred to me that this could be our first family hiking trip. I mean, what better way to start, right? I started feeling better instantly and I am now so looking forward to the whole trip. :). Positive and caring words give me so much good strength. I just wish I have these everyday.
There was another incident, which I actually wanted to record here. Somehow, I forgot what it was. I have been banging my head from about a week now. Counting on how awesome my memory is, I don’t think I will ever remember it. So, let me end this post here. At least, I will remember that there was something I forgot. 🙂