There are so many things I want to say about this trip and my time here. How my day goes, how I feel, how I react to different things etc. But I don’t think I want to remember much about all this for ever. Some of these I had already anticipated, so I dont have to write them down. but, few came as unpleasant surprises which I don’t want to remember. I want to let go of the feeling that I see people go by their normal duties everyday without bothering to help me. Its okay if they lied to me and made promises that they cant keep up. They have their own things to take care of. Sooner I accept, better I will feel. There are few good things I must credit this trip with and I will write them down later.
Anyway, like I mentioned before I chose coming here because I hoped that Abhi and Achu would get best care. ( Well,they do get the best care, but, its just that best care is from me or the best I can do. I think its good enough.) The other reason was that my parents wanted to fulfill few things they wanted like Ayush Homam for kids, A lavish birthday Party. I wasn’t keen on these happening, but I thought these would make my parents happy. We still also have the Tirumala trip (by foot from Tirupathi), where we offer the babies hair. So, as per the original plan, Murali was supposed to come here around Mid-July, we finish all these planned activities and fly back to Seattle by the end of the month. And I go back to work by the first of August.
Except that I would be bored staying idle at home (I thought I would be idle :D) and weight gain, I had no other objections to staying here for long period of time (like the end of the month), so the plan looked right to me, then. I now realize that it wont work for us. After we came to Hyderabad, it took me almost a month to get Abhi and Achu back on some schedule, to get them adjusted to the jet lag and the new surroundings. I realize, when I go back, I have to face the same all over again. And I cannot accomplish this is two days time and go back to work. Besides, we have a house to setup and get it up and running before I go to work. Otherwise, I don’t think I can focus on work much.
I am, anyway, ready to go back any day, now. I mean, if I am already struggling all alone here managing Abhi and Achu, why not do it in our home there and be ready by the time I have to go back to work. Abhi and Achu need to get adjusted to our old nanny; In-laws might be joining this time and I cant afford to have things hanging in the loose. So, I proposed to Murali that lets finish all the tasks sooner and leave by July first week (I don’t care much for the lavish birthday party now. Just the Homam and the Tirumala trip are on my list now. Plus the only thing I wanted from this trip for myself is also not happening).
The plan is not impossible or difficult to do, but, from what I hear from Murali, his Vancouver project is expected to go on till October. I have no idea how I will manage my days working and taking care of Abhi and Achu. I know in-laws will be there, but, frankly, its not like having Murali around. I mean, if I need to work late or sleep because I am exhausted, I cant expect my in-laws to take care of the twins at nights. Even if they would do it, I don’t think I can live with the thought that I am there without him. Before I came to Hyderabad, Murali suggested I live in Seattle with a live-in nanny and the very reason I said no very strictly is that, I just cant live there without him. I don’t think he understands much, but, it is true. Anyway, Murali’s project needs to wrap up by this month for him to join us in July first week. I know that’s not happening now. I can still go in the first week, but then he wont be with us. I am at least hoping that he would come back with us, even if its by mid-July or so and not have to go back to Vancouver again.
I think my biggest concerns now are the Tirumala Trip, journey back to Seattle, getting Abhi and Achu back on schedule again before I go to work and have Murali stay completely with us from at least July. At least, I know I am not alone in getting all these done, so Murali and I will have to take it one at a time.