And by twin troubles I don’t mean the troubles Abhi and Achu are putting me through (not that there are none), but the perception of few people about having twins. Some times, I have people tell me how cool it is to have twins, or how lucky we are to have b/g twins etc. And there is new kind of people I meet here who say ‘TWINS!!! Its going to be VERY difficult for the next 3 years’; Some people even insert a different number here. For some its 2, for some its 5. I listened to whatever they said but I have to ask, who are these people? I am not looking to hire these people as nannies; I haven’t asked them for help; And more importantly I haven’t asked for their expert opinion on how long my life is going to be tough. I am not saying being a parent to twins is easy. We have our share of crazy nights, days and moments. And yet what makes it more sad and discouraging is the way people see this whole thing.
Last week at in-laws place, one of the neighborhood ladies who came to visit the twins, actually threw her hands up in the air and said ” My God, Twins!!! I can’t imagine your life”. These words from different people couldn’t have come at a more wrong time. Because, after few days, Achu changed her sleep cycle completely. She was now waking up every 2 hours in the night and she actually wanted me to rock her to sleep each time. The minute I put her down, she would wake up again. She gave me three sleepless nights in a row. It was very tough to see that her sleep problems (which deserve a post or even a blog by itself) have gone from worst to better to worst again. I started feeling so sorry for myself based on what people were telling me and their statements, until I realized what was happening. I remembered, when Abhi and Achu were few months old, another baby in our family cried non-stop for some 3 hours. That time, it seems, they thought about us and how difficult it must be for us with two babies compared to what they experienced with one. Well, sure it was double the difficulty many many times. When I heard what they said, I felt very bad. But, I know realize, when their baby made them happy, did they think about how happy we must be to have two? I am sure, it didn’t cross their mind.
Let me explain what I think works for me. Few weeks back, when I was still in Redmond, my colleague and good friend V dropped me home from work. We were discussing some work related stuff on our way. After we came home, V kept company for about an hour, while I was taking care of twins, you know usual baby stuff. Next day, V pings and tells me how amazed he was to see me do the transition I made in moments from working mode to mom mode. He specifically told me how he saw me immediately step into the kitchen, clean my hands, check what Abhi and Achu ate during the day and prepare their meals, feed them etc etc. Now, that made me feel good. That told me , may be, I was doing things right. Later, when times were really crazy, I reminded myself of what V said and felt good. You see, V could have said, OMG, you didn’t even take break, you didn’t even have some tea, you didn’t watch TV It’s going to get tougher as they grow-up etc. He just told me in some positive way and I felt really really good.
Having a bad perception is their problem, but I am not sure making me hear it, is mine. Until I realized the whole issue and understood what was different with what V said, I was simply crying instead of doing something about Achu’s sleep problem. Not that I know what to do now nor that I have already done something to fix Achu’s problem, but at least if I hear people say something good, may be a tip or something, I would go in the right direction. Ever since day one here, I have been feeling lonely about taking care of Abhi and Achu, now their ever changing schedules are driving me more crazy and add to that what people say…is making me more scared about if I can ever fix things. I know I can’t respond to these set of people like I want to and so *muft gyaan* goes out to you awesome folks… if you see a twin parent, positive words, please. They help even if they don’t fix the situation.