I panic at every thing these days. Everything. Last week I was crossing the street when it was raining and I was so careful in walking. I was afraid because I thought I can’t afford to slip and break something. I then remembered that few years back, I was telling a colleague of mine that I wanted to wear bandage over my right hand as if my hand was fractured. Only because I thought it would go well with my new blue jeans and white shirt. What was I thinking? Fractured hand to go with a white shirt!!! Hmm. I must have been out of my mind. That was the me who didn’t care much about anything. Fast forward to now, I am very different. A bit more responsible and a lot panicky.
And guess how much I panicked when I realized that Abhi fell from his bed yesterday night. It was very weird that I was having a bad dream at that time (a neighbor of my home town’s home died or something). I hear dMurali’s shriek and Abhi’s cry at the same time. And I don’t know how, but I just knew Abhi fell from bed. Not that I was expecting him to, because he hasn’t yet rolled over, neither has he started moving that much. My heart almost stopped and I was so shaken when I saw Murali lifting Abhi from the carpet. He was crying, of course. I hugged him. Luckily, he was okay within few seconds. And then the real panic began. I had no idea how he fell. He was sleeping in between Murali and the bed’s head-board. There was a pillow between him and the edge of the bed. And I know he wasn’t rolling over or crawling or doing anything close to getting him to land where we found him. I was so scared. For some time, I thought some intruder tried to drag him out of the bed. I made Murali check all the rooms. I checked on Achu to make sure she was okay. Abhi became normal in no time. Not hurt. But I couldn’t figure out how he fell. Before we went to bed, I saw a bee and I made Murali catch it and flush it because I was afraid it will hurt the babies. So, guess what. In that sleepy mood, I even considered that the bee came back to get its revenge and dragged Abhi out of bed. I did even apologize to its soul that time. :(.
Abhi finally slept and this morning I told mom what happened and she offered a simple explanation. We have seen Abhi use his legs to push back himself. Mom said that he must have done it when we were asleep and found that small gap between the pillows and fell from bed. I thought that was the closest reasonable explanation, but even now, it’s so hard for me to believe that he actually did that. Each time I think about the moment he was on carpet and I saw Murali lifting him, I lose my mind. Makes me wonder what kind of parent I am going to be. Needless to say it shattered my confidence levels a lot.
Anyway, Abhi was okay. THANK GOD for that. I have never meant this more than now.