I am just jealous..I admit. I am very very very jealous of many people in this world. People who have this something I will never have. Something I really desperately need and as of now there is no hope that I will ever have it. And today, I am so down with the feeling of not having what I want, that I have to stop doing my work and come write here. I am not sure what I want to say, how do I clear my head, but I want to go let go of this feeling.
Anything I ever wanted in life, no matter I got it or not, my only saviour has been letting it go; Not needing it anymore. But this time its different. I cannot let this go. That’s my problem. I don’t have to sit here and feel jealous of those people, but I just have to learn to let it go. How do I do that? Who will help? I confide in my best friend, she says let it go. You see. That’s the problem. I cannot. I just cannot. And its only particular to this one thing. Sure I had let go of many other things I really wanted. At least stopped wanting them for now. Not this. Not this.
As I look for solution to my problem, I know nobody will really understand my problem. I know they do just a bit, but not as much as I see it as. Just consider my best friend, she asked me to let it go, because she knows there is no other way. Now, even she doesn’t understand that is something so important to me that I can’t let it go. Not without a ton of pain…atleast. And like all the times, I silently and not so silently cried over what I miss in life, I will just wait for me to return to normal. I dont know how. But it happens each time. Suddenly I get okay with it. And few days later, there it is again. I just hope, this time, I will get over it quickly. And until I can finally let go of it, I must suffer and be jealous of others.