Too confused

Just few weeks back to work and I have no motivation or time to blog. I am pretty much drawing blank on what new things Abhi and Achu are doing at home. I am like their evening nanny. Each work hour keeps reminding me of how much I want to be with the babies the whole day, same time I keep wondering if that’s all because of work stress. Just can’t make up my mind yet. It is true that even though I think I know its hard work, I want to be home spending most of my time with the twins. But I also worry if this is going to be a move I will regret later, on the career front. What if I finally decide to take a break from work and later miss work or feel bored at home or feel exhausted taking care of the babies? Working full time and having two infants at home to take care of is not easy either, but some part of my brain thinks maybe going to work will be actually like a break. But can I handle the stress and spend all my physical energy and not have any fun? Seems tough. Murali said your career and kids – both are important. But you got to see which one is more important. Hmm. Answer is obvious and right in front of me and yet I am so confused as to deciding on what to do.

That being said, Murali’s team has offered him to move to Canada temporarily and we are seriously considering it. I dont know if I should take this as a new complexity to the situation or as signal that I can take a break. You see, if Murali moves to Canada, so do I. I need to relocate my work as well. And moving to a new place with just months old twins, taking up a new job etc is a complication I can’t handle now. Maybe if I do take a break, I can avoid all these and have time to spend with my twins. But again, will my team let me go on that long break (about 9 months) or let me work remote? Sigh. I told you it was complicated.

Anyway, I am just going to leave this for now and let time take care of. If everything goes well, maybe I will go to India with mom and twins in January. Murali relocates to Vancouver in March. I am back with him in April and work remotely or continue my leave until Abhi and Achu are one year old. Lets see what happens. Wish us good luck. 🙂

Rainy Weekend

Rain is back in the North-West and so are the fall colors. Everywhere around is getting colorful and add to that the drizzle and the clouds that come with the drizzle. Beautifulllll. And such a weekend needs to be enjoyed and remembered. More so because it happens to be the last one of my maternity vacation.

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I actually forgot how lazy  a rainy day can make all of us. Lucky for me, Murali jump-started the weekend by renting the movie “The Hunger Games”. A movie that was on my to watch list. It’s action packed and hence I didn’t want to watch it while I was pregnant (Didn’t want Abhi and Achu kicking me more than what they were already doing). I loved how original the idea behind the movie was. Original, yet so simple. And it was shot beautifully. I loved it. I read the sequel “Catching Fire” releases next fall, but I hope I can get to the book first. Can’t wait that long. Oh, I should also mention that little prince and princess in my life have also watched the movie with me. Just a bit though and Abhi continued to stare at his favorite mirrors and Achu at her favorite multi-lights. I should really thank Murali for getting me the movie (and ice cream) at a perfect time and Abhi & Achu for letting me watch so well by being such perfect twins. 🙂

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I don’t think this is something that I should be really happy about, but given that I am in good mood this weekend, I will take it as happy news. I went shopping. For a entire new wardrobe. Because there isn’t a single piece of old clothing I can fit into. Thank you Abhi and Achu. Mom and Murali assure me that I don’t look that bad, but I don’t think I want to believe them. Anyway, this was also my first time shopping alone (for myself). I spent 2 hrs, $90  and came home with a pair of jeans, one cardigan and three tops. Not bad..huh!!!

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A historic moment happened this weekend. Abhi and Achu watched Harry Potter for the first time. I was switching the Hunger games disc and played Harry Potter for few mins (Murali got me the blu-ray complete movie set and then we bought the blu-ray player for watching the discs 😀 ). They seemed to enjoy it. I am sure they will watch it a lot many times in the future. (Or I will make them. 🙂 ). On a related note, let me also tell you that Achu also watched RajniKanth on Tv. And that moment was truly historic. Truly. You are welcome Mr. RajniKanth 🙂 .

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Dad is so fascinated with fall color changes. Back in 2010, he had to leave at the end of summer, so he missed the transition. Same thing this time as well. So I clicked pictures of views from our house to share with him and here they are.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

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When my dad retires he wants to go back to our hometown. Sole reason being gardening. Last time mom and dad visited California, dad potted this mint plant in a yogurt container. This time it was some flowers in a baby formula container. For some reason, dad kept on adding different variety of seeds to the pot and Murali joked that soon we can just get Navratan Kurma out of the pot. 🙂

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Achu happened to hit Abhi for the first time today (Not sure how it will be in the future 🙂 ). Sometimes when Abhi and Achu are in good mood, we put them next to each other and let them play. Today, Achu suddenly decided to wave her hand hard and right at Abhi’s face. Poor Abhi. He acted very tough, though. Ignored what his little sister did. Good boy Abhi. And Achu, If you want to do something like this again, try it on your dad. Not on Abhi and never on mom. 🙂

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And a friendly reminder today about how it is at work sometimes. Not having done anything work related in the last few weeks, I tried to configure the settings of the above slideshow. Here is how it went.

1. To configure slideshow settings -> need a separate plugin

2. Find the plugin

3. Install the plugin -> Through the plugins menu.

4. Cant find the plugins menu -> Look and look and realize the menu option is available for wordpress.org not wordpress.com

5. Go to wordpress.org -> Download and setup word press -> Need php installed on my windows 8.

Sigh! I give up. Lets just go with the default settings.

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Murali : Oh…now I can’t tell who is who.

Me: What…Abhi and Achu are wearing different colors.

Murali: I meant you and Achu. You both are wearing green.

Me: o_O

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Murali: Abhi, Why are you behaving like a small baby?

Me: o_O

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Murali, Achu and I went to my office. I needed to get my office’s glass windows covered so that I can have some privacy. Of course Achu and I passed our time telling Murali what to do while Murali did all the hard work. 🙂

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Last week Murali mentioned that he was trying to let go of something. I didn’t know what. And now I am shell-shocked to know that he has stopped taking his morning coffee. I have no idea why, but I am very curious to see how long can he go without his precious little cup of coffee. A habit of many many years…All eyes..

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Sent two sync meeting requests for tomorrow. Not something I am looking forward to. But no choice for now. Wish me good luck.

Going Back To Work

I go back to work in about a week. Working full-time. Abhi and Achu will be only 12 weeks old when I return to work. They are still so young and need so much care from me. I have not really thought about taking a long break from work and staying at home. I don’t really know why. Maybe because I have always seen myself as a working mom. And looking at other moms at work, I have always told myself this is how I want to be or this is not something I want to. I have always heard other moms complain about not having enough time at work or at home because they have to attend to the kids. I have also seen few other moms just use the fact that they have kids and can’t take up extra work. And that’s what I didn’t want to be.

A colleague at work told me that work is pretty hectic these days and asked me not to join work this month. Now, I am not that kind of person who would back away from work when I know there is some. I do try to push myself (Something my dad taught me and something I hate each time I push myself) and so I did decide to go back to work as I originally planned.

On many occasions, I have taken up work proactively and from what I can see I gave it my best shot. Now, being a twin mom, I wonder if all that is going to change. I worry if I can focus on work just as much as I used to, if I will take up extra projects, if I will give my best or if I will ever have time to do work at all.

Abhi and Achu are not the craziest babies but they are not easy either. Most of the day and night, our time is spent on trying to make them sleep. During nights, we start their sleep routine at 7 pm. And then there is the crying, sleeping and waking up in few mins – On and on in a loop. Abhi doesn’t go to sleep until its about 10 pm. Achu – not until its 11 or 12. This is a daily routine. We tried almost everything. But so far, its been a bit difficult. And the biggest worry is that I know its not going to get easy. They are going to change and nobody can tell what is the best way to deal them. I hope with all the changes in life with babies, I can keep my work life intact. Do what I want to do and do it the best way I could. I do want prove people around me wrong; People with a perception that all working moms don’t do extra work, can’t stay up late night working, blah blah.

If that’s the worry on work front, another one is how much I am going to miss Abhi and Achu. Its true they make me work day and night. If they cause all the tiring, they do also provide me with some energy with those smiles. My rewards for working for them – watching them sleep, fight sleep, yawn, take bath, eat, drool, fist fight in sleep, kick blankets, cry when hungry, cry for a diaper change, cry for no reason. Many many more. All the little things I am going to miss. Things that wont come back. Things nothing can ever replace.

The more I think about it, more I want to be a stay at home mom, at least for an year and maybe even more. But I don’t know if I am saying that because I go to work in just about a week. I do think I don’t want to miss Abhi and Achu. What if I decide to let go of my career and stay at home? Or worse, what if I go back and accept missing Abhi and Achu is okay.

In the last 5 years, I have realized life is full of compromises. I have quietly made some, fought some. But having to leave Abhi and Achu alone at home is not something I can fight or accept. Because I don’t know what’s right or wrong. I hope time will make the right call for me and I will be happy about it.

First Family Trip

Before kids, one of the recurring things Murali and I did is taking road trips. No planning, no destination in mind. Just drive. Even with twins, we always wanted to do a long road trip; We now know that’s not happening anytime soon. But the trips had to start somewhere. Given that winter is going to stop our outings very soon and that we didn’t do a proper road trip in the last one year, we were very eager to take the babies out on a trip. We heard everyone making it so intimidating to take the babies out, especially when they are only weeks old, but we decided to see it for ourselves. So we set out to plan and take our first road trip.

Not everyone gets the idea of our kind of road trips, i.e driving without a destination in mind and not having something to visit en-route. My mom is the same. So Murali wanted to take a very scenic route through mountains and stay overnight in between. But driving with babies on such curvy roads, in a rented mini-van didn’t sound right to me. I wanted to do it super easy so that we can know what is difficult. Hence we shortened our trip and decided to drive on a normal straight highway. Just 4 hours of driving, a visit to a mall and a little scenic driving. And packing for the twins wasn’t that difficult. I packed a ton load of diapers, baby formula, changing sheets, blankets and wipes. Add to that extra set of clothes, hats, sweaters for each. The 7 seater car we rented had huge space and we pretty much filled it. 🙂 Car seats fit in nice. Double stroller in. Food for adults packed as well. (Thanks amma! 🙂 ). We were all set to go.

Like every road trip has to go different that the planned one (not ours; Ours are always made on the fly), ours changed too. Close to the destination, we changed our plan to go visit a state park instead. Deception pass. A very scenic place. Murali and I visited this place a year and half ago. That was on a cloudy day and it was breath-taking. Once we took to the road, more than a trip to the mall, this sounded better, so we turned to drive through the pass instead.

And every road trip has to face some problem. And we had ours during lunch time. In fact, it was solely a problem for Murali. You see he realized that mom didn’t pack potato chips for Pulihora. Traveling for the first time with 10 week old twins, in a rental car, on a not so sunny day through mountain pass, Murali’s biggest worry was not having potato chips. Sigh! 🙂

Anyway, thanks to that little store on the corner, our case of missing potato chips came to a close. Next thing was to find a place to eat. Something we already knew but realized strongly on the trip was the fact that twins sleep as long as the car is moving. Once we stopped Abhi and Achu decided to cry synchronously, in the highest pitches possible. So as expected, we fed them first. Despite having a huge mini van, it wasn’t easy to move twins around, preparing bottles etc. I guess it can be never easier, at least not as much as it is at home. Once the bottle nipples touched the lips, all cries came to an end. Another round of diaper changing later, we had our food and we continued to the pass. Did I mentioned we parked next to the lake? I Didn’t even remember to get a picture of the lake this time. ( Thank the twins. 🙂 ) But, here is one from last time. Love the cloudy touch to the lake.

Our destination location is full of small islands and deception pass bridge connects two islands.

Views from above and around the bridge are breath taking. To one side of the bridge there are many more smaller islands, the other side offers views of bay.

Being a bit sunny day there were many boaters trying to catch fish.

There is a small trail that leads down to the water. Last time we took the trail and took some pictures of the excellent views of the bridge and surroundings. Here are some pics from last time.

View of the beach from trail.

Although we didn’t get down much this time, Murali and I took one picture around the bridge last time, so we did a quick stop over to get a picture at the same location.  Quick comparison with the last one – I gained weight and have a worse looking hair cut than the last time. Funnily, Murali was wearing the same shirt in both the pictures. 🙂

Couple of more snaps and we took the route home. On the way, did some shopping for Abhi and Achu for their upcoming first Dasara and Deepavali.

So, in conclusion, I think Murali and I succeeded in planning our first family trip. I just wish I had a chance to sanitize the rental car. Although I tried to be super careful in not letting any of their items touch the insides of the car, it was difficult. Just hope they wont fall sick. 🙂