Just Another Day

< This is another post about my birthday. So its going to be a sad one. >

I never really understood the phrase “Be Content With What You Have”. How can one be content in life? How does one grow in his life if he is always content with what he has. If I was content with the job I had and never worked hard, I would never be promoted, I wouldn’t be in a better position in my life. In case – “Be Content” came with a * – a clause, is that * applicable to my situation? If I feel normal, what’s wrong if I want to be happy? If I am happy, what’s wrong if I want to be happier? And honestly, who sets a maximum limit on how much love one is supposed to be content with.

I ask myself these questions very frequently. Each time I wish for something, each time I wish I was given something. And more so in the context of special days. Last time I wrote this post, I felt birthdays are overrated, they are not supposed to be any extra special, nothing special really. Its just another normal day. At least I told myself so. I was content with what I had. Because my expectations were high and I dreamed high ( did I really? ) , it was easy to be disappointed. Two years later, I stay the same. Unhappy about my birthdays.

There has got to be something about me and birthdays. Mean a lot to me. Shouldn’t it.. to everybody? A  really special day. And I hope that special days are kept special. However, the world around me doesn’t think so. It thinks any day is normal. I say a special occasion is a day to celebrate, be more happy, make something out of the day, my world thinks – Its just another day. If I didn’t want everyday to be the happiest day (being practical), is it wrong if I expect me to be wanting to be more happy on special days? Make the day special so that I can remember it well. Have a happy memory of it? Should I really let go of this and be really content with what I have?

If I do let go of my expectations from the world around and try make my day better on my own, I can. But do I want to be that person? No. Do I have to be for my own sake? Yes.

30+ Rock

< Dil just turned 30. And she is very sad about it. But to save us all from a sad post she decided to forget the worries for now and focus on what’s next >

Looking back at my old list

♥ White Water Rafting –  Murali and I went on Portland trip last summer and we tried White water rafting on White Salmon river. I hated it. You can see why.

No one on the trip seemed to be bothered about me not able to swim. But, of course I will be. Right! As such I am dead scared of deep waters and White Salmon River offers a class 4 rafting trip. May be not something a beginner like me should be doing. But again, I would have felt the same about a lower level rafting trip. I don’t remember much about the trip except the I was so scared that I didn’t think I would get out alive. So now I can at least say Yayy..I survived and be glad that I can check it off list.

♥ Pictures with the little one(s) :D…Check..Check..Check..

♥ Stroller walks with the babies. Phew. Just made it in time before turning 30. 🙂

Checked off 3 of 9 from the list..Sigh….

So revising the old list and adding new things to it….  (May be one of the targets this time should be to actually try finish the rest.)

♥ I don’t think I wanna trying bungee jumping or sky diving anymore (I am a very responsible mother of two now, you know).

♥ And oh, hiking in general … absolutely. Although its going to be a bit challenging with two babies now. Abhi and Achu are too young for a hike out in the wild now and by the time they will be ready (say 6 months old) its going to be cold. Pretty much every hiking trail will be closed. And by summer next year, they will be one and probably difficult to be carried around, if they stay at one place that is. Ahh..these complications twins bring.. :). Anyway, that’s the challenge I guess. A colleague at work gave me this Baby Bjorn carrier as gift. It will make hiking trips convenient. Murali and I plan to put it to good use. Washington trail Association just posted goat lake picture on facebook this morning and I love it. Its not going to be our first target, but certainly something I want to do.

♥ Cant forget about Half-dome yet. And its off limits for Abhi and Achu. At least for another 15 years. Wish I could be there next summer and hike it with my friends. That would be such a bliss.

And going back to very realistic goals this time (remember I am 30 now, so there is no point adding space walk to my list).

♥ Swimming: Thats right. Start here to conquer my fear of water. This is something I have been postponing for a long time now. And I am looking for people who will ask me every week if I started taking swimming lessons. Seriously. My deadline, Dec 21st. If the world is going to end, I need to make my effort to survive.

♥ Getting back to looking like ‘The Pre-Pregnancy Me’- Its not easy carrying twins. I gained 50 pounds. I was huge. In the last few weeks, wherever I went, there was atleast one person who asked me if I was having more than one baby, who sympathized with me for carrying that much weight. And now post-delivery, I need multiple trainer and physic therapist appointments to lose those pounds and importantly, not look pregnant anymore.

♥ Keep knitting : I planned to knit a lot for my babies but havent done much. Just their first hats. Should get more cute things done in time for winter.

That’s it. Really that’s it. Sigh. When will I stop thinking turning 30 is the end of the world?

Zzzzzzzzzz Baby Zzzzzzzzz….

Dear Abhi and Achu,

When you grow up you will know that sleep is the most precious thing. So precious that some of us adults, like me, experience it so rarely. In fact, I don’t remember when was the last time I slept sound. And I bring up this point with you, now, because of your sleep cycles. As eight week old babies, you have the wonderful gift of sleeping whenever you want and as long as you want. When everyone I know told me that for the first few months babies don’t do anything except sleeping, they were not talking about you two. Coz you two do anything but sleeping. Like Pati says you must sleep well to grow. I don’t buy everything Pati says. (But we must pretend that we do, otherwise we all will be in deep trouble). But here she has a point. Did you know that when you sleep I will get some time to do things that I want have to? Take for example, now. While writing this, you both have interrupted me three times, so far. How am I supposed to get things done this way?  And despite us rocking you two to sleep every time, you wake up every few minutes. Are we to blame when the music stops playing on the swing? Sigh. Let me also tell you that as little babies, you don’t have to stay up until 12 o clock to watch late night shows. You still have a lot of time before you can do that. So I demand that you two…

1. Sleep through out the night. Night for you begins at 9 pm. And sleep until 9 am. Because morning sleep is so precious to mommy.

2. No more waking up every few minutes. In case you do wake up look at the time and go back to sleep, also make sure you change your diaper. (Don’t worry about disposing the soiled one. What’s mommy for?)

3. If you need milk in the middle of night, wake up mommy gently. No more crying out loud. She like all the songs on her iPod. Pick one and sing it for her. And you need to wait until I get you milk. Mommy is sleep walking and she needs to first remember that this is not a dream and she is a mom now.

4. Seriously no spitting on your dresses. You see, mommy plans to save your clothes so that years from now she can look at them and remember how small and cute you two were. But if you just keep spitting on these think about what she is going to see years from now.

5. And no more of evil twin plans to wake up exactly one after the other. Also applies to your idea of one waking up the moment the other one finally sleeps.

6. If you decide to stare at the light at 3 in the morning, you may do so. Just turn it off when you are done. Also fyi, light on dad’s side of bed is better to look at.

7. On some nights, dad and mom are going to be out, you both need to take care of Pati and make sure she doesn’t watch too much of TV.

Now, now! Don’t you think  I am too strict about all this. Just to let you know I will give you my full support when you want to shriek at daddy’s snoring. You see, it bothers me as much it bothers you. So, if you want to take this matter into your hand and wake daddy up every time he snores, I am with you.

So as I said you both need to fulfill all these at once or else, or else I will just write another post and vent my anger. 😦

Abhi’s first LOL

Abhi laughed out loud for the first time this morning. He actually did it twice. Murali put him to sleep after his early morning feeding. When I went into the room Abhi was already full of smiles. And then suddenly he laughed out of loud. Of course we wont know at what. Achu is the one who smiles a lot usually so it was nice to see Abhi laugh out loud first. I soo wanted to hug him but that would mean that precious laugh turning into the usual crying. So I decided to wait. Two hours later Abhi wakes up and there is the usual crying. 🙂 And that’s what makes the morning laugh extra special. 🙂

Our Precious Little Moments.. So Far…

Our pediatrician’s office reminded us that Abhi and Achu need to get their hip ultrasound done soon as they were both born breech. As if the tests during pregnancy and the tests now aren’t enough, Murali is designing new tests as well.

One is called Grinder test. As I heard, some kid in the family is scared of mixer grinders. So Murali turns on the grinder when Abhi and Achu were awake. Twins passed the test aka they didn’t cry at the mixie’s noise. My brave ones..:) or maybe we should get their ears tested first. 🙂

Other one is the chin test. One morning he clicks all our pictures to compare and see whose chins theirs are like. He concluded the chins are like mine. I would explain more if I understood the theory myself. And as long as he said theirs look like mine..do I need an explanation? 🙂

*****

Ever since we shared the pictures with our extended families, every one is saying babies look like some one on their side. My uncles from mom’s side claimed Abhi and Achu’s nose and chin (which is also same as mine and hence supporting Murali’s chin test results). Every one on Murali’s side says twins look like Murali or some one on their side.

*****

Doesn’t matter if Abhi is only weeks old, he is already being trained by his dad. Ask Abhi to show his hand and he will; As soon as he decides to lift one of his hands, that is. Murali then took it the next level asking Abhi who Abhi is. Abhi lifts his hand again. 🙂 Remember that old joke about a goat answering the question – What’s the month after April or what’s the month before June. 🙂

*****

It  was 12 am. Achu was keeping us all awake and was showing no signs of going to sleep. She was being moved from one hand to another to see if one of us can succeed in making her sleep. When it was my mom’s turn to try make Achu sleep, Achu playingly put her fist to her ear as if she was on phone. Mom immediately talks like Achu is talking and says “Hello … Overlake Hospital…I am just weeks old baby…but cant sleep at all…I wanted to ask if you guys delivered me correctly…”. 🙂 I guess Achu hasn’t heard back yet.

*****

Abhi and Achu had their first dine out last week (Of course they didn’t get to eat any) – At Restaurant Nirvana. My precious twins slept through out the evening and even let us sleep well that night. Well trained…I tell you..

*****

Our house now sounds like some raj mahal (on a related note, looks like a storage dump). No matter which room you walk into baby swings in the room are playing music to keep the twins sleeping. And what’s tough? these swings automatically shut down music after every 15 minutes. Achu lets out a squeak each time yelling at us – “Who turned the music off”. So each time some one is seen running into the bedrooms to turn the music on and keep the twins from waking up. I am trying to hire few violinists to stand next to their swings all the time. I am pretty sure that’s what my twins want.

*****

Murali and I watched last week the new Batman –  Dark Knight rises movie in theatre. That’s right; in theatre; after our twins were born. I left Abhi and Achu with my parents. And I have in no way felt guilty about leaving them at home. In fact each time I left them with some one at home…I didn’t feel I was doing anything wrong (May be I am not mom enough…).Coming back to movie, I loved it so much that it has become my all time favorite. You see in the last year and half this was the only thrilling thing I did that didn’t concern my pregnancy or my twins. And I have to say that my pregnancy paralyzed body loved the Cat Woman so much; her stunts especially. Wish I could. At least get me the Batpod, will ya?

*****

P.s – If only baby girls clothes were free, I would dress up Achu in a new dress every hour. 🙂

P.p.s –  I got promoted at work. 🙂 Yayyy….

How it all began

Don’t worry…I am not going to write all the details. Just that, like every other couple, we took a HPT (In preggo lingo, that stands for Home Pregnancy Test). Of course, I was asked to wait until Dec 9th’s blood test, but seriously who would. And when it showed positive, we were a happy couple. But if you thought pregnancy was just a positive HPT and then a baby 9 months later, you are so mistaken (At least in my case, it isn’t this simple). So blood test that followed did confirm the pregnancy and the clinic gave us the HCG levels. That’s the amount of pregnancy hormones in me. And this level is supposed to rise in couple of days, so second blood test is what would confirm my pregnancy. And then began my first round of tensions. Would the level rise or not? Okay it did. We were happy. Like an idle brain, pregnant brain is also not a good thing to have. Given something like my brain, which would worry about everything (And don’t get me wrong about worrying on everything, if you knew my history, you would be more worried), my next worry was why I wasn’t having morning sickness. I was so worried about not throwing up that when I actually threw up, I was looking at myself in the mirror and laughing.

I was one of those people who was actually happy about having morning sickness. I religiously compared online all of my symptoms with other’s symptoms. Googled all my symptoms to make sure I was still pregnant. I liked being nauseous because that meant I was still pregnant and of course, I was still worried about what was going to happen next. And then it happened next. The real scare.

Its not easy when you think you miscarried. Its the loss of the baby you haven’t even seen. I cried my eyes out. Like I did something wrong. Like I wouldn’t be pregnant again. It was just something unbearable. We walked into that Emergency Room on Christmas night, I was so sure it was all over and literally was just waiting for confirmation on bad news. (Again, don’t get me wrong, its my horrible history that made me this negative about getting pregnant). And two hours later, while performing the ultrasound, sonographer types these little words on the screen, Baby B. I knew what that meant. But that didn’t mean the baby had a heart beat. Another hour of suspense, worry and sadness; then ER doctor looks at the sonographers report, and says – There are two babies in there. And that’s how we came to know we were having twins. And that also happens to be the time I decided to take things a little easy. Not everything ends the way it did before. Sometimes good things do happen.

A ton of ultrasounds, Heart Echo Test, Diabetes test, Blood tests, Non stress tests and 50 pounds of weight gain later, I delivered my twins via c-section on July 24th. Abhi was born first at 8:00 am and Achu at 8:01. Both in good health, good weight and to everyone’s surprise, with lots of hair. 🙂

As I write this, Abhi is sleeping right next to me. He fell asleep right after his bath, so he is only wrapped tight in his blanket. And as I remember my pregnancy while watch him asleep, I love them even more and say yes, they are worth everything I went through. Now, lets wait till they drive me crazy running around the house. Lets see what I will say then. 🙂

Two Little Sensations….

And hello to all again…If anyone is still watching this space, that is. Well, my original come back post here was supposed to be the best one, one can ever write. But I am too tired to even try that or even think about it. You want a reason? I will give you two. The two new little sensations in my life.  Until six weeks ago, they went by the names Baby A and Baby B and now we call them Abhi and Achu, our boy/girl twins. 🙂

Now you can see why wasn’t I here, (Okay Okay…I wasn’t pregnant for an year and half…only the last nine months…but I was genuinely busy you know).

So anyway, now with the two little ones sleeping, I finally found time and forced myself to post here, because the times now are supposed to be a memory forever and I don’t want to forget even a moment.

Okay..gotto go now…Have a diaper or two to change…